~PheyL

redeeming procrastinator

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Sat May 16, 2009, 8:07 AM

Mood: Anguish
Listening to: 22: the Death of All the Romance
Reading: Book on James Tissot

Friends and stuff : [link]
100 themes : [link]

I've felt the need to put down in words how I feel these days. I feel like my life is in the middle of a thick fog...

I've finished my demo and there is this huge hole now. I've put so much time and energy into this, it's as if the project created a wall between me and the real world and now, I have to face it. It's so delusional, all along I thought I couldn't be happier once I'd be done, that things would come together but instead, I'm left with nothing but worries. I'm doing everything I can to get everything together but the main points of my life are total question marks. I'm still looking for an appartment and a job for the summer. My acceptance in 3D next year is nothing but secure because so many people are applying. If I can't get in at my current school, I'll have to completely reorganize my life and get thrown in the adult world without being a bit prepared...
I was in a relationship for now a year and a half and it recently came to an end. I'm heartbroken because I've never loved someone that way but this was also the last thing that offered me a certainty in the future, a comfort. It's as everything I had under my feet just collapsed in a week. I know I shouldn't worry about what I don't know yet, I'll know by the beginning of June if I can do 3D next year, but it's so overwhelming, to know that a single person, and I'm not this person, decides how I'm going to live the next 2 years of your life. I wish I could step back a bit, take some time but instead I have to be on the run to secure whatever I have left and work towards building a better future for myself.

As for my animated short, it kinda feels like a post-partum depression haha... It's been a awful lot of work but I must admit I was happy with the comfort it provided... I'll see how things will go at the screenings. Any finissants feel/felt the same way?

I feel like I haven't said everything that's on my mind but it's all I can think of right now...

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In other, more fun news, I have my portfolio website being build, I'm posting more over there

Check it out here ------> [link]

9 Comments

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=dragonflie May 16, 2009, 11:34:25 AM

*backrubs you*

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Screw having a sig.

~Jutchy May 16, 2009, 1:42:32 PM

I feel ya.

I had the same reaction when I came out of the montage room. But then I realised something ; I didn't know more what was going to happen when I started animation. I was afraid I wouldn't have the patience to do it and I was afraid that I was throwing myself in a giant void of time waste because I had no idea if it would be worth it in the end. Turns out i really enjoyed this, and also, turns out that life is made of beginings and endings which are never explained and traced for you in advance. What you need to do right now is take a day at a time and just do whatecer you feel like, or may be start a long term personnal project with which you can fill those times when you feel bored and lonely out of your skull.

As for the appartment, there's 2 in my neighbourhood to be rented. One is a 4 1/2 and the other is not indicated, I'll send you the phone numbers via PM.

Hang in there! I have a feeling everything will fall into order around 11h30 pm on the 28

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Fear the awsomness of beaver! Also, their fat!

~PheyL May 18, 2009, 7:05:48 AM

Merci beaucoup de ton comment.. J'ai l'impression que je trouve ca extremement dur parce que j'ai toujours un peu su ce qui s'en venait pour le futur et la c'est l'incertitude totale.. Comme tu dis, la vie est faite de commencements et de fins et j'imagine que jsuis mieux de vite m'y habituer si jveux survivre dans le monde des adultes..

Pour ce qui est de l'appart, je cherchais un 4 et demi mais il m'est arrivé une histoire trop platte et la je cherche un 1 1/2. Ca va aller, c'est pas comme si on était en pénurie de logement..!

J'vais essayer d'être optimiste et de pas trop penser à tout en même temps..!

Merci encore pour m'avoir lu et tes conseils.

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[link]

~Headmaze May 23, 2009, 8:24:00 AM

Aww, Phil! Bon, j'suis en retard, mais j'espère que depuis que t'as écrit ça tu vas un peu mieux. J'avoue que c'est déconcertant ce grand vide qu'on ressent après avoir fini... Pour moi ça a pas duré longtemps, ça a définitivement pris le bord après notre soirée au St-Su haha! Mais je comprends tout à fait ce que tu ressens, surtout que tout arrive en même temps pour toi.

Écoute... Concentre-toi sur les appartements en premier, je crois que déjà ça va t'enlever beaucoup de poids sur les é

aules. De mon côté, chaque fois que je regarderai les offres d'emploi je te promets de t'envoyer toutes celles qui pourraient de convenir aussi, comme ça tu auras pas trop à chercher! As-tu pris le temps de retaper ton CV et ta lettre de motivation?

Gros calin, on s'en reparle!

~red-monkey May 28, 2009, 12:18:08 AM

Oh man, that sounds bad, I can relate though, a huge project can completely absorb you, so much that you forget your 'real' life. And when that ends, its weird to start doing other things again, new stuff, smaller stuff. You've been living in that project world so long, that everything else feels strange. But, hey, also cool, new adventures man! New artwork to make!
Sucks to hear you broke up, I recently broke up with a girl, so i know what it is to be heartbroken. It sucks giant donkey balls. But after a while, your new life starts. Which is a great free feeling. You have a lot of uncertain things in your life now, but try to see that as an opportunity to change the stuff you want to change, to explore new things. Maybe travel, look up old friends, party, think up an awesome new project. Whatever man, you're free now! Enjoy it sir! ^^

~PheyL Jun 1, 2009, 9:31:50 PM

merci beaucoup Karinnee! Comme j'ai dis, j'essaie de tout prendre une chose a la fois, je vais bien finir par parvenir a mes fins..!

la soirée tacos fut bien agréable, j'espere qu'on va continuer de se voir comme ca cet été

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~PheyL Jun 1, 2009, 9:38:38 PM

Oh man, thanks for all this. I feel like we're on the same line with some of this stuff... It's really nice of you to take the time to read and share your thoughts. I've got a few comics projects on their way with friends that should keep me busy aside from summer job. I agree on the 'changing things' part of this. I feel like I have tons of work to do on my person through all this and I'm trying to tell myself that after all is set, I'll have grown as a person..

thanks again for the great advice man

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